The One Thing that Keeps me Sane
As a mom, wife, engineer, blogger, side-hustler and church member, I often have people ask how I juggle it all. And I can tell you, more than anything else, there is one thing that keeps all of the balls in the air…and it isn’t my cleaning lady, although she is a true life saver.
No, it is Tuesday nights.
Let me take a quick step back here. For a majority of our seven-year marriage, my husband has had claim to Thursday nights. He has had golf league, bowling league, the occasional softball game, or a happy hour that turned into dinner and then into another drink.
It is just routine for us. Before Cole, I’d often plan my own girls nights or church bible study or quiet night in on Thursdays…but as does everything with a baby, that all changed. Thursday nights remained my husband’s night out, but now my night was all about the baby.
I didn’t miss a girls night or a social function, he would come along with me. But like Cinderella, when the clock struck 7, it was time for us to hit the road and get that baby into bed. And so, like most moms, my schedule revolved around this baby – but my husband’s remained more or less in tact.
This wasn’t his declaration, there was no conversation that he would go and I would stay (in fact he often encouraged me to get a babysitter and stay out with friends longer), but it still happened this way.
For two years, we went along this normal routine, until one day I was going to hit Starbucks for an hour of work and my husband told me to go ahead and stay for awhile. I looked at him curiously, I’ve always felt like I needed to rush back home and relieve him of baby duty. That me being gone was putting him out. But no…in fact he wanted to spend extra time with just him and Cole.
See, I was ALWAYS around, and Cole is a straight up mamas boy. When I was in the house, he didn’t want daddy to help or play with anything. But when I was gone, the two of them had time to actually be together. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
In my attempt to be ultra mom and wife, never putting too much strain on my husband, I had actually been keeping him from really getting time with his son. And, what’s more, I was stressed and overworked, needing some time to myself!
And so, Tuesday nights were born. My night. After work, I’m totally free to meet the girls, work all night at a Starbucks, grab dinner and a book by myself or whatever else my heart desires. And you know what I’ve found – I’m a better everything when I have this time. A better wife, mom, employee, business owner, friend. And Cole and my husband have their own little jokes and memories too.
I’ve been asked if I feel guilty about taking this time, but I truly don’t. It allows me time to miss my little guy, which is needed! We are over touched, over lego-ed and even over Disney Plus-ed, so a night to miss saying goodnight or hearing their goofy little stories helps you appreciate it the next day. It keeps you more present.
You may not be able to get a night, your support system or schedule may not allow such a thing. But maybe you could get a dinner or an hour or an episode of Daniel Tiger where you can have your time. Look at your calendar right now and pick a time, dedicate it to yourself.
Everyone will thank you.
How can you find that time?
It can be hard to find this time for yourself, here are some ways to try it out…
- – Ask…ask your husband or mom or friend if they’d come over for a bit so you can go out. People LIKE to help, it’s ok to ask!
- – Trade with another mom friend. Take her kids one week and she’ll take yours the next
- – Find a parents night out. Lots of churches or kids gyms have parents night outs, google them in your area!
- – Head to the YMCA or recreation center and utilize the kids area for a couple hours. (hint, you don’t have to work out to use it! You can sit on a bench and read)